


always find me, yeah?

by alexlittlelc



Series: life of little!lix [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: "" is english dialogue, '' is korean dialogue, Acceptance, Age Play, Coming Out, Little!Felix, M/M, Non-Sexual Age Play, all boys will receive nicknames, caretaker!chan, caretaker!changbin, caretaker!hyunjin, caretaker!jeongin, caretaker!jisung, caretaker!minho, caretaker!seungmin, caretaker!woojin, chan is called daddy in english - even when they are speaking korean, important!!, inspired by felix just...being himself, like he's just a giant kid and i love it, lil bit of angst, polyamory (slowwwww burn), prob why the boys didn't really put two and two together xD, sex is talked about
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-07-12 16:24:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15998966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexlittlelc/pseuds/alexlittlelc
Summary: felix craves affection. he never got much growing up and certainly didn't get any once he announced he wanted to move to korea.enter chan. certified dad friend, older brother to all. creator of crazy-ass plans that just might work.orfelix trusts chan with his secret of wanting to try age play. chan says why not.





	1. i

**Author's Note:**

  * For [the lord of freckles lee felix (happy birthday my love)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=the+lord+of+freckles+lee+felix+%28happy+birthday+my+love%29).



> yo it's felix's birthday so this is a gift....i guess. i plan on this being the story explaining how felix comes out to each member! after every member is aware, i will complete this story and move over to my one shot series~ which i will need your ideas for! (10/12) feel free to begin sending me requests for my little lix series! all information is on my twitter, linked at the end!!

felix huffs, the ends of his bangs fluttering gently against his forehead. he glances at the movie still playing on the tv and contemplates about how to get the older aussie’s attention. he tilts his head to look at chan and settles on softly poking his shoulder with his toe. 

“daddy.”

chan blinks his eyes down to felix, “hm, baby?”

“i don’t wanna watch this anymore. can we play?” the older chuckles, pulling felix up from where he was laying at the end of the bed. he brings him onto his lap and smiles, pushing a bit of his fading orange hair out of his eyes.

“sure. what do you wanna play?” felix looks down with a pout and begins to fiddle around with chan’s necklace. 

“not what, daddy. who.” 

he perks his eyebrows up, tilting the younger’s face back up to meet his. his chest aches at the look felix gives him, already thinking of how to gently explain the situation to his little (again.) “felix. who do you wanna play with?"

“jinnie hyung. he said we could play once he got back from school.” 

chan lets out a quiet sigh, “lixie...you know you have to be big around the others.” 

felix is aware. has been ever since he and chan came up with this (stupid) agreement to keep the secret between them. (it wasn’t stupid, felix was just angry.) 

the younger nods, “yeah. i know chan.” he grabs chan’s phone from the bedside table and clicks it on to see the time, ignoring the hurt in the other’s eyes. “we should probably stop. the boys will be home soon and they almost caught us last time.” that situation would’ve been easy to explain to anyone, but felix wasn’t going to mention that now. he crawls off chan’s lap, pushing the hands off his hips when they attempt to pull him back in. 

“lix please-”

“later, hyung. i have to finish a paper and send it in before eight.” 

chan quickly grabs his phone from felix’s hold, clicking it on, “felix we have half an hour until they get here.”

“i know how to read time.” 

“what i’m trying to say is that you can’t just pull yourself out of your space-”

“shut up, chris! i’ll be fine! please just leave so i can work.” chan flinches at the use of his english name (since moving to korea, it’s become a foreign sound to him.) he spares a glance down to his lock screen - a picture of felix curled up in one of chan’s too-large hoodies, using a portion of the hood to block part of his face - and huffs, clicking it off rather harshly. 

“i love you.” felix’s jaw locks in place as he finally makes eye contact with the older. “little or not. love you so much it hurts sometimes...most of the time, if we’re honest.” he stands and grabs felix’s (cute, tiny) hands. felix unlocks his jaw and looks down, chuckling dryly. 

“this isn’t shit you're supposed to say.” 

“doesn’t make it any less true.” 

“you sure you’re not in love with me?” that set the two off; clinging to each other in a fit of giggles. chan moves back and sits them on the end of the bed, physically pulling the younger back onto his lap. felix lets out a quiet yelp as he quickly sets his knees on either side of the aussie, completely forgetting of how strong he is. (and if we’re honest, it kinda scared him)

“sorry to hurt ya, bub, but no matter how much i love you; changbin will love you more.” chan struggles to hold back a coo as felix flushes and buries his head into his neck. 

“probably.” he mumbles, fingers messing with the sleeves of chan’s white v neck. chan begins rubbing his back, taking mental note of how prominent his spinal cord is, before replying, “not probably, felix. he loves you so much.” there’s silence for a bit before chan finally notices how tightly felix is holding onto his forearms. “fe...y’know he’ll love you even if you tell him about this, right?” 

“you don’t know that. he might hate me. he might leave. they all might leave.” 

“i didn’t hate you, lix. i didn’t leave.” 

“you’re different.”

“how?”

felix sits up and chan’s heart skips a beat when he notices tear marks (or maybe it had something to do with felix digging his nails into his skin.) 

“you explained this whole thing to me. you’re the one who started this! i’m pretty sure if any of them find out about this then they’ll freak out.”

chan leans in and kisses the tear marks, noticing quickly how felix’s cheeks heat up. he follows the trail all the way to his chin, before placing a final kiss on felix’s forehead. the younger squirms at the affection, pushing chan away a whole arms length. “mm! stop!” felix giggles, releasing one of chan’s shoulders to rub at the places he kissed. 

“y’know, you’re just rubbing them in right? now there’s nooo way they’re ever coming off.” felix gasps and begins to wipe harder at his face. the action makes chan chuckle before he pulls the small hands away. “leave ‘em, lix.” he receives a huff as a response. 

“fine.” 

chan smiles as he reaches up to hold the sides of felix’s (pouting) face. he gently strokes along his jaw as he meets felix’s eyes. 

“they wouldn’t freak out, felix. you know that all of them would try their hardest to understand, especially changbin. and when the time comes to tell them, we have to be ready to answer all of their questions because this’ll all go to shit if they look online.” 

felix laughs as he leans into one of chan’s hands because it’s very much true. every little is different and most websites only write stereotypes or the bare minimum that applies to all littles. unlike some littles, felix had a strong control over his headspace and only had one moment where he wasn’t in control of a slip (thank god he was with chan when it happened.) another thing was that felix liked being big just as much as he liked being little. in the several months since chan and him started this agreement, there had been plenty of times where the two would be found in chan and changbin’s shared room, just cuddling and venting to each other. chan would remind felix multiple times that he could slip and would keep the other members out, but felix would always shake his head because sometimes he just wasn’t in the mood. he only ever slips to toddler ages and is usually content with wearing chan’s baggy clothes and a pair of boxers. it doesn’t take much to please felix, little or not.

“could you imagine, though? like..” felix hooks his hands behind chan’s head and scooches a smidge closer after he feels himself slipping off chan’s thighs, “like what if jisung hyung buys me a bottle and dummies? what am i supposed to do with that?” chan removes his hands from felix’s face and brings them back down to his hips. 

“i guess we’ll just have to explain them your headspace ages, love. that’s something easy we can work around.” felix nods, pulling chan into a tight hug. 

“thanks for being here for me, hyung. i’m sorry for getting moody earlier. i...i hope you know i love you just as much.” chan grins into felix’s shoulder, allowing his heart to beat faster. he has such a soft spot for the younger aussie. 

“i know, lixie. it’s just...it’s not good for your health if you pull yourself out of your headspace so fast. your forcing your body to adapt so fast that if you do it multiple times you’ll really be harming yourself. i just want what’s best for you.” 

felix nods against his neck, “i think i can tell the others soon, chan. like..maybe in a few weeks.” chan pulls away, still holding onto the younger, and grins. sure, it wasn’t today or tomorrow but he would’ve never expected that from his anxious little. 

“fe, that sounds great. i’m so proud of you.” felix flushes dark and pushes chan away again, letting out mumbled complaints. chan laughs and fights against his force, gasping when he almost slides off his lap. felix grips onto chan’s shoulders now, eyes wide. 

“are you okay?” 

“yes, hyung. i’m fine.” he lets out a couple more giggles before getting down, flattening out wrinkles in his shirt. “i should really start working on that essay.” 

“you haven’t even started it!?” 

“this has been the only free time we’ve gotten this week. fuck the school if they think i’m gonna spend it writing an essay over whether gmos are healthy or not.” chan lets out a laugh and stands. he grabs felix’s school laptop and hands it to the younger, placing a gentle kiss onto his forehead. 

“goodluck, lixie. i’ll be in the studio - come over if you get bored or need help.” 

“okay, dad. you can leave now.” chan rolls his eyes playfully before exiting the teen’s bedroom. he slips on his shoes once he reaches the shoe rack and grabs a jacket before heading out.


	2. ii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3racha is exhausted and stray kids as a whole worry too much over each other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woop woop two chapters in one day please don't expect this all the time

chan has walked in on many different things when it comes to the 3racha studio - but jisung forcing changbin into somewhat of a cuddling position is not one of them. 

‘hey hyung! we’ve made no progress.’ changbin huffs and forces one of jisung’s arms off him again. ‘jisung, you weren’t supposed to tell him that dumbass.’ 

chan sighs and pulls jisung into his arms, allowing changbin to escape. he makes a quick dash for the spinny chair behind the australian, sticking his tongue out at jisung for good measure. 

‘sungie, if i put you down, will you leave binnie alone?’ the youngest rolls his eyes before pushing chan’s arms off him. he falls onto the floor with a thump and a cross of his arms. 

‘ignoring that - how was felix? did he get his essay done?’ chan whirls around so quick that changbin pushes his chair back just in case something will happen.

‘you knew about his essay? and you didn’t think to text me?’ the dark rapper’s eyebrows furrow at the question. 

‘i sent him a reminder. he replied back that he was working on it.’ the oldest huffs and plops down onto the couch. ‘sorry, hyung. i didn’t know it had anything to do with you.’ 

‘felix talked chan hyung into watching a movie with him in order to procrastinate doing his essay. as of,’ jisung picks up his phone from the glass table in the middle of the three and clicks it on, ‘four o’clock today he hadn’t worked on it at all.’ 

‘oh. well he’s not getting cuddles tonight.’ 

chan laughs, quickly covering his mouth when the dark rapper sends him a glare. 

jisung grins, ‘ohh! so scary! he’ll probably just go to woojin hyung and sweet talk his way in.’ if chan’s look was a glare then jisung’s was a kill shot. they stifle back giggles as changbin scoots his way over to the computer. he clicks off the classical music that had been playing in the background and shuts it down before pushing his way back over.

‘so, are we gonna work? because jisung-ah wasn’t lying when he said we got nothing done. he’s been trying to force me to cuddle for the past two hours.’ chan pinches changbin’s cheek and coos, ‘oh you poor baby. you’ve been through sooooo much. however could you survive?!’ 

the shortest flushes dark and pushes his hand away, shoving all of their shared notebooks onto the table. 

‘lets get to work.’

 

 

‘jisung. get up.’ chan pushes at the youngest’s leg with his foot. 

changbin is slouching against the doorframe with his hood covering his face, but chan can tell he’s almost back asleep. jisung crashed way before the other two, his final mumblings were something about having to turn something in before eleven tonight and to wake him up before hand. so much for that. 

‘jisung-ah. it’s almost two in the morning.’ jisung blinks his eyes open. 

‘why’s it two?’ chan takes a bit to understand what the younger had asked, but with a click of his tongue he finally gets it. ‘we all fell asleep. we need to get back to the dorm quickly because woojin hyung is still blowing my phone up.’ 

jisung nods and raises his arms, looking up at chan expectantly. 

“oh christ. changbin!” said boy pushes his head back so fast that he hits the door. he groans lowly before looking up at the australian. 

‘what?’ 

‘help me with jisung.’ with a few more buzzes of his phone in his pocket, he adds, ‘we need to be home. now.’ 

 

 

it takes some time, but the three manage to make their way downstairs and into the company’s designated car. arriving home was a blessing and a curse because as much as chan was ready to slide into his bed, he knew they would be met with stern glares and pre-planned lectures. 

thank you’s are muttered to the driver, who has given them many sympathetic looks at this point, before chan hauls his boys out of the car and onto the pavement. he wraps his arms around both of them as the car drives off. he’s glad that he’s put some more time into working out because he’s quickly able to lift the two long enough to make it inside and into the lift. when he makes it to their floor, however, he’s kinda dragging them in his half asleep state. 

though, he is glad the youngest of the trio is awake enough to slump against a nearby wall as he fumbles with their door. changbin is dead to the world, if his added weight against chan’s side is anything to go by. 

the curly haired boy lets out a cheer as the door opens inward and he quickly grabs jisung, just as he’s about to topple over. he stumbles in and kicks the door shut, wincing when it slams. he takes note of the maknae line passed out all over the living room (felix and seungmin on the couch, hyunjin in a recliner, jeongin sprawled out on the carpet) as he plops the missing boy into the last available spot (a recliner where the foot stool actually works that woojin always claims.) 

he glances into the kitchen as he re-situates the final rapper stuck to his side and is met with the eldest of stray kids passed out against the half island. he sighs and gently wakes up changbin. 

‘mm, channie hyung. not now.’ 

‘felix stayed up for you, punk. go apologise.’ he lets go of him and enters the kitchen. he gently grasps woojin’s arm and begins to shake the oldest. 

‘hyung. we’re home.’ the eldest looks out into the living room and watches changbin attempts to wake himself up (which was kinda funny, seeing as he’s falling asleep standing up.)

‘hey. i was getting worried.’ chan sighs, running a hand through his dyed gray hair when he meets bloodshot eyes. 

‘yeah. i’m so sorry hyung.’ he chooses to ignore the thud from the living room as he helps woojin stand. he glances over at the table as the eldest makes it to his feet and almost chokes; minho is curled up on two chairs, his face buried in his arms. 

woojin follows his eyes, ‘we all stayed up for you guys-’

‘you know you don’t have to-’

‘we always do. we’re family, chan.’ 

‘fine, whatever. we’re family.’ the older chuckles and ruffles chan’s hair. 

‘we have a radio interview tomorrow. manager-nim told us shortly after you left and the kids got back from school.’ 

“shit. i don’t fucking want that.” woojin furrows his brows and it’s chan turn to chuckle. ‘i really was looking forward to sleeping tomorrow away, hyung.’ 

he nods in understanding, ‘well, on the bright side, we’ll only be there for an hour. then we come home and sleep.’ 

chan huffs in response, sticking his bottom lip out. 

‘quit being a baby, chan. it’s our job.’

‘is it too late to quit?’ 

a chair squeaks loudly against the tile floor as minho sits up and rubs his eyes. ‘seeing as you trained the longest between all nine of us, yes. you gotta stay.’ 

chan laughs and moves over to him, helping him also to stand. ‘go wake the others and get them to their rooms. we need to be up in like,’ the older lee glances at the kitchen stove, ‘four hours. shoo.’ he follows the two out of the kitchen and surveys the living room. 

the thump from earlier is discovered to be changbin’s fault. judging by seungmin now curling himself around the maknae as changbin occupies his previous spot, that is. 

‘leave the lovebirds. wake the rest.’ 

‘aren’t you going-’ chan stops talking and watches minho walk into his room and shut the door. “well, that helps.” 

‘c’mon, chan. i can get jisung and hyunjin if you get seungmin and innie.’ the younger nods and moves over to the two youngests of the group. he lifts jeongin with ease and follows woojin, who is nice enough to open the door for him that minho (the asshole) closed previously. he struggles, but after a bit, is able to get the maknae into his top bunk and tucked in. 

he returns to the living room to find seungmin nowhere to be found. he panics for a second before spotting the brown haired boy in the kitchen. 

‘seungmin-ah.’ the boy looks over the half island and makes eye contact with chan, raising his eyebrows in question. ‘why are you standing in the middle of the kitchen?’

‘i can’t remember.’ chan chuckles lightly before walking over to him, grabbing his hand gently. 

“how about we go to bed, bub?” it takes him a second to process the english before he replies with a quiet, “yeah. that’d be nice.” 

chan allows seungmin to pull him down the hall, bidding woojin a quiet goodnight as he enters his room finally. the oldest blows a kiss before shutting the door, leaving the two chuckling. 

“can i sleep with you, please, hyung? since changbin hyung is in the living room?” chan nods because he’d be cruel to dismiss seungmin’s rare cuddles. they make it into the messy room and onto chan’s bed. 

he allows seungmin to get comfortable before crawling under the covers next to him. he wraps the younger up in his arms and kisses the top of his head, ignoring his mumbled complaints. 

‘love you, hyung. glad you guys are safe.’ chan is filled with guilt until seungmin rolls over to plant a kiss on his cheek. he rolls back just as fast and chan flushes, giggling quietly. 

‘love you too, minnie.’ 

he waits for seungmin to fall asleep first, to preoccupied with something in the back of his head nagging him to stay awake. he shuts it up, though, by shoving his face into the younger’s shoulders and squeezing his eyes shut. 

 

 

felix sits up quickly, breath quick and tears already running down his face. he pushes changbin’s arms off and gets up, ignoring his boyfriend’s calls to come back. 

‘felix, where are you going?’ is the last thing he hears as he shuts the bathroom door and breaks into tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i promised changlix but there will be more next chapter i promise!! feedback is appreciated!


	3. iii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> felix is scared and if changbin knocks any fucking louder than the whole dorm will wake up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its angsty im sorry its angsty im sorry its angsty im sorry its angsty im sorry its angsty-

felix pulls his shirt off, balls it up, and chucks it at the door - hoping it would get changbin to stop knocking so damn loud. he’s gonna wake the rest of the members at this rate and that’s certainly something no one wants. 

‘binnie hyung! go away!’ he lays on the cool tile, a contrast from the heat he’d been gathering while curled up. the knocking stops and felix sits up, stupidly thinking his boyfriend left, (of course changbin didn’t leave; felix was locked in the bathroom sobbing and wasn’t telling the older why) until the knob begins to shake. 

‘felix, open the door!’ the younger throws himself back against the tiles with a groan, only slightly regretting the choice. his chest shakes with sobs as he throws his arms over his face. he’s being a horrible boyfriend right now, over something so incredibly stupid, but he can’t bring himself to look the rapper in the eyes. the dream (more like nightmare) is still fresh in his mind and he knows seeing changbin right now will just make him cry more. god, why does he have to be so weird?!

‘felix lee! please!’

‘no!’ 

‘yongbok! open it now!’ felix feels a rush of anger and acts without thinking. he kicks the door, ignoring the pain it sends through his toes. he lets more tears fall down his face as he kicks again and one last time for good measure. the other side is silent before he hears rapid footsteps nearing the door. 

‘what the hell are you doing?! the other boys need their sleep- and you’re fucking lucky i’m the only one up because woojin hyung would go about this a completely different way!’ chan. his voice was quiet but felix could hear it and understand some of the said korean enough to know it was chan. chan, who accepts him and loves him and will know what words to tell him to calm down and be able to face his boyfriend again. 

‘felix is in there sobbing! i don’t know what to do and he won’t let me in-’ 

“felix!” he hears a grunt of changbin and can only guess it was chan pushing him out of the way. his voice lowers into a whisper and felix can tell he’s pressed against the door when he asks, “i’m here. do you need to slip?” 

the australian sits up and scoots over to the crack, pressing his mouth against it. “no. but i do need you in here.” 

“okay, lixie. open the door and i’ll come in.” felix nods and unlocks the door before scotting back against the side of the tub. 

chan enters with a concerned face, shutting the door before changbin got the chance to look in. 

“lix? are you alright?” 

felix shakes his head and allows the older to coddle him into his arms. “i had a bad dream, channie hyung!” he digs his face into his shoulder and breaths in, letting a few weak sobs escape, “no one understood! they didn’t even try! they just screamed and i had to stop and channie i don’t wanna stop!! this makes me happy and makes you happy and i just want them all happy!! why can’t they see that!?!” chan sighs, ignores the drop of honorifics, and beings petting the youngers fading hair and rocking them slightly. 

“lixie, calm down buddy. it’s gonna be okay. it was a dream and you know that they aren’t gonna do that-” 

“you don’t know that!” he almost falls back with the force of felix pushing his shoulders, but thankfully with the younger taking up most of his lap, he balances out. he raises his hands to the other’s shoulders and gives them a comforting squeeze. 

“yes, i do, lix. we’ve talked about this. you’re freaking out for nothing. when the boys find out they’ll be fine with it. and if they don’t like it then they can ignore it! felix, this makes you happy so it makes no sense for the others to bash at it.” felix keeps his head down and nods. chan watches some tears fall from his eyes onto his own lap. 

“i’m just so scared, hyung. i want them to still love me-”

“woah, woah- when did not loving you come into this?!”

“it’s just-”

“nothing. it’s nothing!” chan looks down at the small boy curled up in his lap, “felix none of them will stop loving you. we’re a group, and we accept each other no matter what.”

felix begins to cry more, trying to avoid the other’s eye contact by curling into his chest. “i want them to know so bad!” 

the older sighs and gently begins to fuss with felix’s hair, “then tell them, lix. i’ll be right beside you when you do.” 

“promise, channie?” 

chan chuckles, “yes, i promise, felix-ah. how about we get up, now?” the smallest australian nods and allows himself to be picked up as chan stands. he drops his feet onto the tile and lets out a small yelp at how cold it is. 

“it’s cold.” he whines, wrapping his legs around chan’s waist again. said boy rolls his eyes and turns, unlocking the door. 

“you ready to face changbin? he’s probably still outside.” when he feels a nod he pulls the door open, unsurprised to spot the purple haired rapper curled up against the opposite wall. he quickly stands when he spots chan and opens his arms, ready to take felix. 

‘you wanna tell him, felix?’ the younger shakes his head no, burying his face farther into chan’s shoulder. 

changbin sighs, slowly bringing his hands to rest by his sides again. he knew all his bandmates loved coddling felix, most of them only because they knew he never got a lot of attention at home, but it was times like these when he just wanted to grab the younger and run. he knew, though, how much that would hurt felix and allowed him to be coddled by each member, knowing that when it was changbin’s turn, it meant something else. something more. 

‘he had a bad dream and it really freaked him out. it...it had you in it and he just needed some time to calm down. you shouldn-’ 

‘hyung, it’s fine. as long as he’s calmed down now...are you okay lix-ah?’

‘i’m fine, hyung. just upset now.’ chan furrows his eyebrows and goes to ask why, but changbin cuts him off. 

‘i’m sorry for calling you yongbok. i know you don’t like it..and i know the reasons why you don’t like it and i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have done it. at all. even if i was mad.’ 

felix sniffles and gives chan’s shoulders a squeeze, a sign he wanted to be set down. chan complies with setting the younger down and takes a step back, knowing that he would probably just jump into his boyfriend’s arms. 

‘promise not to do it ever again?’ changbin makes quick eye contact and nods. 

‘promise.’ 

‘good.’ 

another nod is exchanged before the older takes a step forward, slowly wrapping his arms around felix’s waist. he gives a nod of consent before the shorter boy lifts him up, allowing him to secure himself around him. 

‘how about we head to sleep? we get up in a couple hours and i don’t wanna deal with your complaining about not getting enough sleep. plus, seungmin is waiting for me.’ chan bites his lip and panics slightly at the mere thought of keeping the younger awake all this time. changbin nods and follows chan a few steps into their shared room, albeit a little slower seeing as he had extra weight to carry. 

sure enough, the almost maknae is curled against the wall, still sat up. his eyes are shut and his breathing is even so one can only assume he fell asleep, probably shortly after chan left. changbin smiles at the relieved sigh he hears from chan and makes his way through the messy room to his bed. 

he chuckles a bit before turning around and falling back onto his bed. he feels felix grip around him as they fall and start laughing once they begin to bounce slightly. chan shushes the two before slipping his shirt and jeans off. he grabs a set of basketball shorts from his dresser and slips them on before climbing in bed next to seungmin. 

changbin glances down at the two of them, the younger already curling himself on the shorter’s chest. felix had changed into fitted sweats and a plain white shirt mostly likely while the three were at the studio. changbin, however, was still in his jeans and black shirt. 

‘lix-ah, get up baby. let me change.’ the younger shakes his head, wrapping his arms around changbin to stop him from moving. changbin laughs, tracing felix’s spine absentmindedly as he thinks of a plan. he waits until he feels the younger’s breathing almost even out (meaning he was almost asleep) before he gently flips him off. he lays him down amongst the pillows, being careful of his head, and has to stop for a few seconds to get his heart to calm down once felix cracks a beautiful grin. he tilts his head so he can press a kiss against the older’s wrist before he has to let go and get changed. said older jogs over to his dresser and pulls out pajama bottoms. he slips them on, chucks off his shirt and is back by felix’s side in seconds. 

felix smiles and pulls him close, ignoring the blankets they were lying on. it was too hot anyway. 

‘i love you, binnie hyung. so much. please never forget that.’ 

changbin feels his eyes sting and he tries his hardest to ignore it, digging his face against the taller’s chest. 

‘i love you so much more.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so so so so much to the people who have left feedback so far. i really dont think anyone understands how scared i was to post this! im glad so many of you like it!!


	4. iv

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fact - felix can drop honorifics to any of his hyungs and will get away with it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> check out https://twitter.com/aussiesons/status/1043617239889522689 for my commentary as im writing xD it's quite funny.

‘we gotta get up, baby. c’mon.’ felix groans and rolls on top of changbin, grinning when the older wraps his arms around his waist. 

‘i don’t wanna get up. you don’t wanna get up. let’s not get up and go back to sleep.’ the smaller chuckles and nods against the australian’s shoulder, letting out a yawn and closing his eyes. he feels insanely exhausted, every limb aching even with the slightest movement. this wasn’t new. it usually happened after changbin stressed himself out over the smallest of things. 

felix sighs contently, ‘mmm, i love you binnie hyung. always will.’ he feels changbin’s chest heat up and concludes the older is blushing, which only makes him grin more. 

‘always will love you too, lixie. now try and sleep before they storm in here-’ 

‘you’re still in bed?! do you know what time it is?!’ woojin’s voice seems to echo around the room as he enters. he pulls the blanket off the two with a huff. 

‘hyung, we’re awake! it won’t take that long to get dressed.’ 

‘yeah, if you get up now! we leave in five minutes! you’re lucky everyone else is running a bit late otherwise i’d have time to stand here and lecture you! jeongin-ah?! are you out and dressed yet?!’ the oldest leaves the room, only to rush into the maknae’s room when he hears the shower still running.

felix chuckles once he realizes why his hyung left so quickly. he rolls off of changbin and pushes himself off the bed. he stretches and watches as the older cringes when his joints crack. 

‘hyungie, get up!’ he grips around changbin’s wrist and pulls him up.

‘i’m up! i’m up!’ changbin barely manages to catch himself on the edge of the bed, pushing himself up into a sitting position. he gets up and walks over to his and chan’s shared dresser, grabbing out clothes for him and felix. 

‘hyung, i have my own clothes-’

‘shh, we’re low on time and this is easier. put it on.’ 

 

they exit the room just in time to watch woojin push jeongin out of his room. the younger’s hair is still wet, which explains why woojin is following him closely with a fluffy towel. 

‘seven, eight, nine - alright let’s go!’ they exit the dorm quickly, filing down stairs and into the outside. it’s freezing in the early morning and it’s obvious multiple members regret leaving without a jacket. they all yawn throughout their car ride there, jisung and hyunjin wasting no time reclining their chairs and falling back asleep. 

felix is almost back asleep when, of course, they arrive at the studio. they are quick to file out and into the studio, bowing to the mc’s and other various staff. 

 

they’re not even ten minutes in when felix looks around and notices jisung dozing off. he leans fully on seungmin’s shoulder and the younger is quick to wake him up, scared of them getting in trouble by the staff. 

felix gets distracted by the mc asking chan a question, something about causing trouble (he didn’t quiet understand it) but is brought back to reality when he feels something thunk against his shoulder. he glances down and notices hyunjin barely keeping his eyes open. he decided to leave him be - all the boys seem super tired - but quickly grips the older’s thigh when he spots their manager walking towards them. hyunjin groans, though, and only moves to bury his face against felix’s shoulder. 

their manager rounds the table and pats each member of the maknae line. he motions for them to follow him before rounding the table again, this time nearing chan (who has finished answering the question with a laugh.)

felix gently takes off his and hyunjin’s headphones. ‘jinnie hyung, get up. we gotta follow manager-nim somewhere.’ hyunjin opens his eyes barely and nods, leaning against felix more as they stand up. he sighs, wrapping his arm around the older’s waist and begins walking after jeongin. 

chan nods as their manager whispers something to him and glances at their maknae line. his eyes soften as he over looks them, all with deep eye circles and looking much older than what they are. he motions for them to follow the taller man, blowing silent kisses to each of them. 

 

‘manager-nim, where are we going?’ jisung asks as they all file into an elevator. 

‘your schedules got mixed up. only the hyung line should’ve been here. i noticed all of you falling asleep and rather than ruin your image with you snoring on air,’ he glances over at jisung, who flushes all the way to his neck, ‘i asked around and the staff said you could all sleep in here until the interview ends.’ 

he’s honestly lucky that he got that far because as soon as his mouth stops moving and the doors open, the boys are all dashing towards the couches and pillows laid out over the floor. 

felix walks over to a love seat and plops his hyung down. hyunjin quickly lays out, leaving no room for the younger to lay. jisung notices and gently grips his wrist, pulling him over to the couch set up beside the love seat. he’s pulled down into jisung’s lap and makes himself comfy, glancing around to make sure seungmin and jeongin were comfortable. once he spots the two youngest curled around each other (jeongin loved seungmin’s affection, it was just too much when cameras were around) he lays against jisung’s shoulder. 

the older (by one day; does that even count?!) brings out his phone and begins to scrape his nails lightly against felix’s scalp. he lets out a noise that has him quickly covering his mouth, blushing dark. jisung giggles and presses a light kiss against his temple, muttering a soft, ‘it’s okay, baby.’ 

felix ignores the skip of his heart and buries his face against the cotton of jisung’s t-shirt. 

 

felix stirs a while later, stopping all movement when he feels a tug at his hair. he opens his eyes to see jisung dozing lightly, hand still tangled in the younger’s hair and phone now resting on said boy’s chest. 

‘sungie, can you please let go?’ jisung sits up slowly, probably to out of it to notice the drop of honorifics, and works on bending his fingers out of the mess of faded orange tangles. when he finally succeeds he helps felix into a standing position, wrapping his arms around the other’s waist and resting his chin on his shoulder. 

felix chuckles quietly, ‘hyung, i’m going to the bathroom. you might wanna let go.’ jisung mutters something against the cloth of felix’s shoulder. the younger has no idea what it could be but judging by the hands gently feeling his abdomen, the other has no intentions of letting go. so felix begins his, slightly embarrassing, walk to the bathroom. he’s glad he remembers passing it on his way in, because asking someone while in this situation wouldn’t be image friendly. 

 

when they arrive felix has to peel jisung’s arms off him, leaning the blonde boy against the wall beside the sinks before sneaking into a stall. when he’s finished and walks back out, jisung is smiling fondly at him. he raises a brow as he begins washing his hands, letting curiosity get the best of him, ‘why’re you so smiley?’ 

‘chan calls you baby, right? when you're in a headspace?’ 

the water feels boiling against felix’s skin, probably because he had just shut off the cold water as jisung responded. he moves quickly to shut the other off, hoping he can blame that as the reason his face is flushed. 

‘what’re you talking about, jisung?’ 

the other pushes himself to stand right next to the australian, smirking lightly. 

‘you suck at lying, lixie. and it’s hyung, to you.’ felix bites his lip as he feels his eyes sting. no. no. nonono. this isn’t happening. no one knows. this is just a bad dream and when he re-opens his eyes he’ll be in changbin’s arms and back at the dorm and not in a horrid studio bathroom being confronted. 

he opens his eyes and look up, watching the older’s face fall in time with his tears. ‘how’d you know?’ 

jisung moves forward and cups felix’s face, wiping the tears. ‘my cousin does age play with his partner. when i went home for holiday i saw how he acted with her and it reminded me of how you act with us. it was just an idea….i didn’t know you actually practiced it-’ 

‘well shit, i totally could’ve played this off then-’ 

‘no. i didn’t know until i asked chan and he told me everything.’ more tears fall at the mention of chan telling someone. he feels a rush of anger but jisung is quick to diminish it with a kiss to his cheek. 

felix moves back and stares at the floor, allowing hot tears to rush down his face. he lets out a sob and clutches his chest, he feels like his heart is going to burst out of it. 

‘lixie...let me hold you. it’s okay. i’m not mad!’ 

the word is difficult to get out, but after a few deep breaths he manages it, ‘promise?’ 

jisung pulls him close and kisses his head, nodding. ‘of course, lix. i’ll never be mad if it’s something that makes you happy.’ 

the younger sobs into his best friends chest, gripping the thin shirt and managing out, ‘you can’t tell anyone! please!’ 

jisung nods again with a sad sigh, rocking them lightly. he needs to get him to calm down quickly because someone could walk in he really doesn’t know how to play this off. ‘lixie, we gotta go back. can you calm down, please, baby? hyungs are almost done and then you’ll be home with changbin hyung.’ oh, okay, don’t mention changbin. makes him sob harder, apparently. 

 

the older counts to forty (one thousand) before felix pulls away, muttering an apology about the wet spots on his shirt. jisung brushes it off and presses another kiss to the top of his head. ‘how about we go outside? there’s a spot behind the building where we can sit and talk. would you like that?’ felix nods and takes the outstretched hand, allowing himself to be pulled along. 

 

they sneak out the doors in the back and walk to a small hill, blocked by trees from the parking lot or other areas where people might be lurking. jisung sends chan a quick text (‘he told me’) before turning to face the small australian. 

‘how long have you known?’ 

‘not even a week. it...uh..took a while to click.’ 

felix laughs, wiping at his eyes. ‘hyung! holiday was a few months ago! it seriously took you that long to realize?’ 

‘well yeah! it’s not like you and chan are obvious!! i mean, you act like you’re little even when you’re not trying so it was hard!’ 

felix gasps, ‘i do not!’ 

‘lixie, you ranted about why bubble baths are superior to showers for at least fifteen minutes. you begged, like got on your knees and begged, woojin to get you a giant ryan plushie even though you had the miniature one and we were in the middle of a shopping center. you made a presentation of reasons we should get a dog-’

‘okay, i get it! i suck at being my own age.’ jisung chuckles and brushes felix’s hair behind his ear. it was getting super long and he’d have to ask manager-nim to convince the company to allow all of them to get haircuts soon. 

‘i don’t blame you. growing up sucks.’ felix nods in agreement and pulls his knees up to his chest. 

it’s quiet for a while before jisung scoots closer and felix falls into his arms.

‘hyung...thank you for being so accepting. i...i honestly thought you would all hate me.’ 

‘never felix. we would never hate you. i-i could never hate you.’ felix looks up at him and smiles. jisung feels his heart grow in size and sucks in a breath, preparing himself to ask the only question that’s been on his mind these past few days. 

he pulls the younger closer when the wind picks up and suppresses shivers. he focuses his body heat towards felix and smiles when the boy relaxes. silence washes over them for a while before jisung pulls out his phone and checks the time. it’s almost seven, which means the boys will be finished soon and they should really head inside before their manager realizes they’re not there. 

jisung takes a deep breath, ‘lixie?’ 

‘yeah?’ 

‘when...when you slip with chan? like - like the next time you slip, i mean. could i - can i...be there? if not-’ 

‘sure, hyungie. we’d just have to talk with chan.’ jisung blushes and nods. 

‘we, uh, we should really head inside. hyungs are almost finished and the others might be waking up soon if they aren’t awake right now.’ felix nods and stands up, allowing jisung to wrap himself around him without complaint this time. they walk inside and make it to the room just as they hear the doors to the elevator open. they both plop onto the couch and felix curls up against his hyung, peering over at his phone to watch the game he was currently playing. 

chan enters the room first, quickly quieting his steps when he spots the other sleeping boys. he locks eyes with felix and feels his heartbreak when he notices faint tear streaks and a red nose. 

“are you okay? jisung told me-” jisung looks up at the mention of his name and chan almost forgets that the other is fluent in english. well, understanding, at least. 

“i’m fine, chan. we talked it out and everything is okay. i promise.” chan lets out a breath and plops next to him, pulling him close. 

“quit worrying, hyung. he explained everything.” felix giggles at jisung’s accent. not in a rude way (felix would never do that to anyone) but because it’s cute and it’s also fun to watch jisung blush. 

‘alright, sungie. i trust you. now help me wake the others so we can head home.’ 

 

felix sighs happily once they take off from the studio, curling into changbin’s side. 

‘did you sleep at all, lix?’ 

‘hmm? a little. i mostly talked with jisung hyung since he couldn’t sleep. did you have fun?’ 

changbin pushes his fingers into the other’s hair, clicking his tongue when he feels tangles, ‘same questions. most were directed to chan hyung and woojin hyung. i might’ve slept for half of it.’ felix giggles against his shoulder. 

‘get some sleep, love. the other young liners are all asleep. i’ll carry you in and we can sleep the day away.’ oh, wow. that sounds really nice. he shuts his eyes and cuddles as close as his seatbelt with allow him, grinning when he hears a faint click of a camera. 

‘love you binnie.’ 

‘ohhhh, changbin, you let him drop-’

‘shut up minho hyung. i love you too lixie.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I CAN NEVER THANK YOU GUYS ENOUGH FOR READING I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH


	5. v

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyungie is such a cute word why doesn't everyone use it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so....this is long. please don't get used to this.

when chan woke up later that morning, changbin and felix were still asleep, wrapped up in each other’s arms. his heart did a funny thing at the sight, resulting in a grin on his face. he always loved seeing love and knowing that changbin held felix like he was the only good left in the world made him always feel good. 

after snapping a quick picture, he exits the room. woojin is in the kitchen, snacking on crackers and scrolling through his phone. 

‘you’re up.’ chan nods as he sits next to him, leaning against his shoulder. the older chuckles and pushes the sleeves of crackers closer to the younger. ‘eat. i know you have to be hungry by now. i imagine you guys didn’t eat when you were at the studio.’ 

it takes chan a bit to figure out that woojin is talking about last night and not this morning. he nods guiltily, knowing how much woojin worries about 3racha. he wraps a hand around the other’s wrist and pulls himself closer. he brings his knees up and leans against his side, woojin’s arm placed gently between his knees before he pulls it close to his chest. 

woojin laughs at chan’s attempt of being small. he helps by scooting his chair a bit closer and grabs out a cracker, placing it in chan’s mouth. 

‘there.’ he places a light kiss to the younger’s head and nuzzles softly against his curly hair. 

‘are the others still sleeping?’ 

‘no. the kids are in hyunjin’s room watching a movie. the only one’s asleep are changbin, felix, and minho, now that you’re up.’ chan nods and opens his mouth for another cracker. woojin smiles and feeds him another one, making sure to ruffle his hair before messing around on his phone again. 

it’s only a few minutes later when woojin feels chan’s breathing even out. he smiles and does his best to stay still - failing only a couple seconds later when the shutters on the half island slam open. jisung takes a deep breath and lets it through his nose, locking eyes with woojin. 

‘hyung. i need channie hyung right now.’ the older blinks a couple times. 

‘why?’ 

‘it’s just...important! please, hyungie!’ jisung leans against the counter and pouts, flashing woojin his best puppy dog eyes. 

woojin grumbles as he shakes chan gently. the older wakes with ease and blinks for a bit, moving his head to look at jisung. 

‘what? why do you look panicked?’ 

jisung flushes and begins to gnaw at his lip, a habit woojin’s been trying to get him to stop for a while, ‘it’s...a little problem.’ chan blinks again and continues staring, his eyebrow now raised. 

‘hyung- it’s a little problem!’ the australian sits up quickly and rubs the sleep from his eyes. woojin goes to ask- but chan is already on his way out of the kitchen, following jisung down the hallway. 

 

‘what happened? where is he?’ chan is panicked, voice quick and demanding. 

‘he’s in the room with the guys. he came to me once he got up and said he wanted to be little. i told him sure-’ 

‘you told him sure?!’ chan whips around, mouth agape at the younger, ‘when he was in room with people who don’t know! jisung, are you crazy?!’ 

jisung is quick to shush him, grabbing his arm as he flings it out. ‘relax, hyung! he isn’t fully slipped yet. i just told him to wait and then we’d be back.’ 

chan sighs, turning back around and finishing the walk to hyunjin’s room in silence. he spots felix from the doorway, sitting in between the maknae’s knees on the floor. jeongin is rubbing his scalp, which is doing no help for the problem at hand. 

he walks in quietly, waving at hyunjin when he rolls over and smiles at chan. the oldest of the room plops down next to felix, jisung joining him on the other side. felix opens his eyes slightly and smiles at them both, sitting up and gently tapping jeongin’s legs. the youngest gets the message and with a light kiss pressed against felix’s head, he brings his legs up onto the bottom bunk mattress and allows the older to escape with chan and jisung. 

 

woojin places his phone face down once the trio walks into the kitchen. they place themselves at the end of the kitchen table before chan and jisung look at felix. 

‘i...i have something to tell you.’ woojin nods at the younger, but not before taking note of his shaking hands. 

he moves a seat closer, reaching forward to grab the small hands. ‘stop shaking, lix. what’s on your mind?’ 

felix visibly swallows and takes a breath. ‘sometimes...i need some extra affection.’ 

woojin raises a brow. he thought felix got more than enough affection. all members are constantly hugging him, or pecking his face and telling him it’s okay when things get frustrating, or just kissing his cheeks for fun because felix is always adorable when he blushes. ‘okay?’ 

“lix.” felix jerks his head over to jisung, surprised by the sudden english. “it’s okay. you can tell hyung. remember our talk in the hallway?” 

felix nods, a small smile appearing on his face with jisung’s slight accent. 

“good. we can talk this out. he will understand. now go.” 

felix looks back at the oldest and chuckles at the confused look on his face. said oldest blinks a couple times before smiling at felix’s small laugh, returning his attention back to the boy in the middle. 

‘i’m a little, hyung. a-and for me-’

‘oh.’ felix’s scared expression falls, leaving only one of confusion. 

‘oh? what does oh mean?’ even chan and jisung are confused, both having their eyebrows furrowed. 

woojin leans back in his chair, unintentionally pulling felix forward. the oldest pauses for a second before letting go of the small hands, only to grab felix around the waist and pull him onto his lap. 

felix blushes dark and it makes woojin’s heart pump faster. his soft spot for the younger was always large and with this new found information, it’s only grown. 

‘you don’t think i haven’t gone on the weird side of naver? not that this is weird! i just...i’ve read about it before. well, the basics of it, i guess? the only thing i really know for sure is that you like to act younger. and going solely off the fact that you’ve told multiple members - you don’t practice this sexually? unless you do...because if so then we would need to talk about some things-’

“HYUNG! SHUT UP! OH MY GOD!” felix rams his head against woojin’s chest, letting out a child like screech. jisung quickly jogs to the kitchen doorway and stands there for bit, most likely making sure the others didn’t hear and are getting up, woojin concludes - ignoring the sharp pain in his collarbone as he pets felix’s hair. 

‘so i’m taking that as a no, lixie. but, you still need to tell me your needs.’ felix pulls back and looks up at him, eyes slightly bigger. 

‘you’re okay with this? you’d...you’d be one of my caregivers?’ 

woojin grins at the young boy, pushing hair off his forehead to place a chaste kiss. 

‘of course, lixie. hell, all of you guys are like my kids anyway.’ felix laughs at that and hugs him around his neck. 

‘hyung.’ woojin meets chan’s eyes and nods. chan’s voice is hushed when he asks, ‘do you wanna tell him he can slip?’ 

‘hell yeah!’ jisung laughs at the outburst before quickly shushing him as he walks back to the end of the table. ‘remember - you can’t use those words when he’s in his space. he’s exactly like a kid; he’ll repeat anything he hears.’ 

woojin nods before leaning close to felix’s ear. ‘lixie. baby, you can slip.’ felix nods against his neck, digging his nose into woojin’s, probably, bruised collarbone. 

‘i started slipping a bit ago, hyungie. i’m sorry i didn’t wait.’ 

‘ah- no! lix-ah, it’s okay. hyungie isn’t mad. you can’t control it...right?’ 

chan chuckles, ‘yes he can.’ he pokes felix’s shoulder and ruffles his hair, “you should’ve waited, baby. you know we have to make sure it’s all clear first.” felix makes a noise against the other’s chest, squishing his face against woojin’s collarbone more, avoiding chan’s eyes. woojin sucks in a breath at the pain.

chan clicks his tongue and takes a step back, ‘he’s only ever lost control over it once and he told me he had been stressing over his evaluation. he should really wait until we tell him to slip, but hopefully it won’t be that way for long. we’re working on telling the rest of the members.’

woojin nods along, only stopping once felix lets out quiet, small, chuckles. 

“woojin hyungie nods a lot. it feels funny.” the older hears his name and looks down, smiling at the little. he takes notice of how much bigger, and almost innocent, felix’s eyes are now and chuckles a bit, rubbing at the younger’s flushed cheeks. 

“baby, remember you gotta speak korean. woojin hyung doesn’t know english like we do.” chan reminds him softly, petting his orange hair down from where it was standing up. felix wiggles at chan’s touch, almost like he’s trying to lean away. chan gets a confused, and almost panicked, look on his face. “what’s wrong? do you want me?” 

felix shakes his head and woojin watches chan’s face fall. he looks over at jisung for an answer, but the younger brushes it off, making a motion as if to say, ‘i’ll tell you later.’ 

“why, felix?” 

“mmm, woojin hyungie just got to know lixie, daddy. it’d be rude if i just ignore him. you get me allllllll the time.” chan flushes and woojin’s eyes grow at the nickname. 

“okay, baby. remember though, you still need to meet jisung hyungie.” felix gasps loudly and leans back, woojin quickly scrambling to get another hold on him. jisung looks down at him and chuckles, wiggling his eyebrows. 

“hi, hyungie. i didn’t mean to forget about you.” jisung bites at his knuckle as he attempts to stop grinning. he stomps his foot with a slight groan, taking his knuckle away from his teeth (woojin scolds him silently when he notices little purple bruises starting to form.)

‘you didn’t forget me, lix. but you need to listen to your daddy. speak korean so woojin hyungie can understand you as well.’ jisung blushes dark as he says what woojin can only think is felix’s nickname for chan. felix leans back up and comes face to face with said boy. 

‘don’t tell daddy but i don’t wanna speak in korean. i’m only doing it because i want you to understand too, hyungie. okay?’ woojin nods and grins when the younger starts giggling, knuckle going to his mouth just like he saw jisung do. 

‘ah, no! baby boy, don’t do that! you’re gonna hurt yourself!’ chan rushes forward and pulls the little’s hand away from his mouth with a click of his tongue. 

felix’s eyes turn pinker than usual, ‘b-but daddy! jisungie hyung did it! why can’t i?’ 

‘lix-ah! you know better. just because you’re getting more caregivers doesn’t mean you get to disobey the rules we created-’ 

‘i don’t like those rules! i want new ones!’ 

‘felix!’ 

‘no!’ felix pushes himself off of woojin’s lap and stands on the kitchen’s wooden floor. ‘i want new rules!’ he stomps his foot for emphasis, which the oldest will admit is really cute. he decides on not admitting it out loud though, judging by chan’s expression. he feels kinda useless - felix had slipped only a couple minutes ago and now he’s getting scolded and woojin can’t help at all - so he looks over to jisung for some comfort - only to remember this is probably jisung’s first time watching the younger slip, based off of chan’s words earlier. 

‘felix lee, if you do not stop right now i will put you in timeout.’ 

felix makes a ‘hah!’ noise and sticks his tongue out, ‘you can’t do that! the other boys don’t know about me yet!’ 

chan crosses his arms and stares. ‘you think that’s gonna stop me? i’ll let them walk in and figure out this way, lix.’ 

felix’s smirk falls and he frowns. ‘you wouldn’t do that. you love lixie. you love me, daddy! you said it million gazillion times before!!’ 

‘i never said i don’t love you. i simply said that i will put you in time out if you don’t drop the attitude. now, are we ready to go back to behaving? because daddy doesn’t like punishing you. especially in front of your hyungies.’ felix seems to peak out from around chan, finding the other two still seated and leaning against the table, watching the others argue. he leans back and nods once, looking down as his eyes fill with tears. 

‘ah, lix, come here! chan, he’s okay! he learned from it!’ jisung crouches down, opening his arms. chan reaches and sets a hand on felix’s shoulder when he moves. 

‘felix lee.’ 

‘yes, daddy.’ he looks up at chan, trying hard not to let tears fall. chan sighs and debates for a second. felix really shouldn’t be acting like this, but at the same time, that’s how most kids act and surely getting away with it once won’t hurt him. 

‘no more attitude. okay? we’re done for today?’ felix nods gently, letting a couple fat tears slip. chan presses quick kisses to them and pushes him off into jisung’s arms, who catches him easily and holds him close. it’s quite funny, though, watching the ‘00 liner try and gather felix’s surprisingly long limbs in his arms. 

woojin grabs chan by his hips, getting a gasp out of him, before dragging him into his lap. 

‘hey.’ 

‘hey.’ woojin smushes his cheek against the other’s shoulder, sighing contently. ‘i'm real happy, chan.’ 

‘i’m real glad, hyung. is it cause of felix?’ the oldest nods and watches as jisung pulls funny faces to try and cheer the little up. 

‘you said you were working on telling the other members? who all knows?’ 

‘he came to me first, then jisung found this morning, and now you.’ woojin gasps, meeting chan’s confused gaze. 

‘changbin doesn’t know?’ 

‘no, no. lix is terrified of telling him.’ woojin scoffs and rolls his eyes. ‘are you kidding me? do you know how much changbin would love this?’ 

chan smiles, ‘you really think so?’ 

‘oh yeah. that boy would spoil felix. he does that enough when felix is out of his headspace.’ chan nods along and laughs, relaxing against the oldest’s chest. 

‘i’m really happy you’re all so supportive. i know felix loves it.’ 

‘chan, why on earth does he think some of us won’t be supportive? he means the world to all of us.’ 

‘you really mean that, hyung?’ 

‘of course i do. none of us will ever be happy if felix isn’t. but...who are you thinking of telling next?’

chan thinks for a second. ‘he’s mentioned minho but a couple days ago he kept mentioning hyunjin. maybe both?’ 

‘alright. well, he has all three of us for support, not that they will do anything drastic.’ 

‘yeah, i get it, hyung. hey! you two!’ both jisung and felix look up at the older, ‘who’s ready for a fun day? well..as much fun as we can get in before the others get out of bed?’ 

felix nods quickly and allows jisung to pick him up and carry him into the living room. 

‘oh my god, he’s so cute.’ chan nods in agreement as they stand and make their way into the living room, only to stop once they come face to face with the youngest of their group. 

‘so, uh...can someone please explain some things?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i still have no clue how to end a chapter im so sorry. thank you all for reading and leaving feedback, though!


	6. vi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and three are left. jisung and woojin get nicknames! (also lets all pretend that the movie is really loud; okie thx)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so it's been a hot minute. IM SO SORRY!! school has been so hectic and the i had to get a tooth removed and then i got a stupid fucking head cold so please, please, please forgive me. feel free to yell at me in the comments.

“innie! you’re here!” jisung quickly twirls them around in order to stop felix from jumping into the maknae’s arms. 

jeongin, whose eyebrows are furrowed in question, reaches up and pets at felix’s hair, ‘i never left, hyung. i was just watching a movie.’

chan tries to move, tries to say something, anything, but nothing comes out. this is felix’s and his worst nightmare. he feels woojin tighten his grip around his waist before the oldest speaks. 

‘jeongin, we can explain.’ the younger nods, eyes locked with woojin’s as he motions to the couch. chan feels woojin try to move but stays put, equally confused and scared. felix isn’t even out of his headspace! he’s probably just excited to get another person to play with and doesn’t realize that he never told jeongin! jeongin seems so calm - does that mean he’s gonna blow up and freak out?! 

‘channie, you gotta move baby. we can do this. it’s okay.’ woojin’s voice is right next to his ear and he feels a small peck against his earlobe. chan flushes slightly, but keeps his head down. 

‘how are you okay with this, hyung? you just found out and you’re so fucking calm. how?!’ 

‘i’ve always had to be calm, sweetheart. but right now i need you to move so we can discuss this.’ he nods and begins taking small steps toward the couch, dragging woojin, who refuses to let go of his waist, along slowly. 

jisung taps the older’s forearm lightly as he hoists felix back up on his hip. ‘hyung. should i get him to-’ 

‘no. he’ll be upset and freak out. let him stay little.’ the younger nods and turns his attention back to felix, who’s pouting. he whispers something to jisung and attempts to get down - getting stopped shortly after his wiggling makes jisung lose his grip. chan rushes forward to catch him - although jisung looks completely natural holding felix, it slipped the older australian’s mind that this was his dongsae’s first time holding him. felix’s limbs are awkward and when he gets squeamish it leads to accidents and owies (as the little likes to call them.)

felix latches onto chan’s shirt quickly and whimpers, mumbling sorrys into the older’s shoulder. 

“ah-ah, lix, no it’s okay! baby, you’re okay! i just got worried. you’re okay.” felix nods quietly, slowly moving his head to look at the others. 

‘hyung...are you okay?’ jeongin takes a couple steps closer and pushes some hair out of felix’s face. ‘you almost fell.’ 

“daddy catched me.” the youngest looks over to chan and raises an eyebrow. 

‘that’s my nickname. you guys will-’ 

‘no! what did he say?’ oh. sometimes chan honestly forgets the other’s don’t speak fluent english (it also might not help that his mind is running wild with all the different outcomes. is this how felix feels all the time? is this why the younger can hardly stand still and is constantly shaking? he’s scared. he’s so freaking terrified of what the others will say and that smashes chan’s heart into pieces at the mere thought of his little constantly feeling like this.) 

jeongin probably would’ve got that sentence to, if felix would’ve used correct grammar. 

‘he said that chan caught him. he’s fine - just got really scared.’ the maknae nods along with jisung, whose arms are still outreached toward felix. 

‘c-can i hold him?’ chan feels his jaw drop and gently tightens his grip around the younger. woojin laughs and rubs at chan’s shoulders, ruffling the boy in his arm’s hair. 

‘chan-ah, relax your face. it’ll freeze like that. and sure in-nie, just be careful. he might be little, but he’s still heavy.’ jeongin nods and gently takes felix - after woojin pulls chan’s grip off first, that is.

jeongin furrows his eyebrows in confusion because felix...isn’t heavy. in fact, jeongin can feel his bones very clearly as the older shifts in his arms. he catches chan’s eyes and after seeing how preoccupied they are, he decides to stay quiet about the issue until later. 

they all move to the couch, felix curling up in jeongin’s lap. the younger stutters a bit with his motions, but after a few seconds he rests his hand on felix’s head and gives a few pats. 

woojin laughs again - for someone who just found out he’s surprisingly calm - ‘in-ah. he’s not a dog.’ 

the youngest of the room scoffs, mumbing ‘i know,’ before weaving his fingers into the little’s hair and scratching at his scalp. felix closes his eyes and relaxes, head resting gently on the other’s shoulder. 

‘jeongin...you’re really calm right now. i-i honestly thought you would be the one freaking out the most.’ chan admits from his place on the couch armrest. 

‘this feels...natural? i honestly don’t know. i’ve always wanted to be a hyung and i guess...i guess this makes me feel like one? i’m not really sure.’

chan nods along, chuckling lightly at the younger’s confession of not really knowing. he stutters a bit, but when jisung rests his hand on his knee, chan is able to get through his explanation. he goes into extra details, things that have the other two listening as equally attentive. they’re all three warned about missing clothes and felix’s famous puppy dog eyes that make chan’s heart grow (he leaves that last part out though.) jeongin protests when the older brings up felix being scared of telling the others, saying that they would love him no matter what. 

chan face palms hard, making the younger laugh loudly. ‘don’t you think i’ve told him that?! he doesn’t listen.’ 

‘daddy! i listen! you say it’s okay to be scared!’ 

‘felix - channie is right. we’re just saying that you shouldn’t be scared of telling us. we’ll love you no matter what.’ felix blushes dark at woojin’s comment and buries his face against jeongin’s neck. the youngest giggles - seems like felix has finally been able to find jeongin’s no-longer-secret tickle spot. 

‘so in..’ jeongin raises his brows at chan, ‘do you have any questions? are you...okay with this?’ 

‘no. no i absolutely hate this, hyung. that’s why i’m sitting here and holding him.’ chan rolls his eyes at the maknae’s tone before getting up and walking over to ruffle his hair. 

‘no need to be sassy, in.’ 

felix brings his head back and grins, reaching up to grip at chan’s shirt. “sassy! daddy that means sassy! i know that word! you call me that word sometimes.” 

jisung laughs from his spot next to the trio, “oh yeah, lixie? does your daddy really call you that?” chan blushes dark and looks down; it’s weird hearing someone call him a nickname felix had reserved for him and only him. 

“yeah, gege. he says i can get an attitude sometimes.” felix furrows his eyebrows and sits up, ignoring jeongin’s groans, touching jisung’s cheek gently. “gege, why’re you so red? are you gonna explode? PLEASE DON’T EXPLODE! I LOVE YOU GEGE PLEASE, PLEASE DON’t EXPLODE!” felix throws himself against jisung without warning, muttering pleads into the older’s chest. jisung is flushed from head to toe, grin so wide on his face that it looks like it hurts. 

the older closes his eyes and laughs loudly, wrapping felix up in his arms. he presses multiple kisses to the other’s head and sighs contently. “gege’s not gonna explode, lixie! i’m just happy! i’m….gege!” 

felix nods against his chest and giggles at the kisses. 

“hey, hey!” all eyes turn to woojin, who’s pouting from his spot leaning against the back of the couch. ‘this isn’t fair! what’s mine?!’

felix moves quickly, butt sitting gently on jisung’s chest. the older laughs as felix pulls up his knees, resting his head on them in thought; he’s pinned down but he can’t find a protest, too happy of being officially accepted by the little. 

“you’re papa.”

‘appa?’ 

‘no! not appa! papa! switch the letters, hyungie!’ felix clicks his tongue a couple times and glances at chan. 

“what is it, baby?”

“i don’t like speaking korean. it feels weird.” 

“aww, baby - you gotta get used to it. remember~ not all your hyungies speak english.” 

“they can learn!”

“english is really hard to learn, lixie! gege would’ve given up if he wasn’t being forced to live there.” jisung speaks up, pushing himself up slightly to blow a raspberry on felix’s lower back. 

chan laughs at the little’s expression and jump. he quickly picks him up in order to stop felix from ramming back down on jisung’s chest. jisung sends him thankful eyes as he sits up, scooting for felix to be set back down. 

“i guess i’ll speak it. doesn’t mean i’ll like it.’ chan giggles at the younger’s konglish and presses a soft kiss to his temple. 

‘oh! channie-hyung! i remember my question!’ chan turns to the youngest and raises a brow, confused at his sudden outburst of excitement. 

‘yeah?’ 

‘can i tell seungmin hyung?’ 

the older glances around at the others before squatting in front of felix. 

“lixie. would it be okay if jeongin told seungmin?”

felix nods, a grin plastering itself on his face. “YES! OF COURSE! I LOVE SEUNGMINNIE!” woojin is quick to hush him, giggles invading it as he smiles. 

jeongin stands and grins, grabbing ahold of one of felix’s hands and planting a kiss in the middle of it. ‘i’ll be back then, lixie. behave while i’m gone, okay?’ 

felix nods, grabbing a hold of jeongin’s face and pressing a kiss to his forehead. the youngest stutters and flushes, avoiding the other’s eyes as he makes his way down the hallway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> REQUESTS ARE STILL OPEN FOR LITTLE LIX SAGA!!! please, please, please dm me on twitter (linked below) or message me at curious cat. i also have this posted on wattpad so feel free to hmu over there!!


	7. vii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> felix just wants to watch peter rabbit goddamnit go away hyunjin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yee yee all of you are allowed to kill me for this long wait. i can make up so many excuses but in reality school got tough and i lost interest in this story for a bit cause of it but im back now and already working on the next chapter sooooooo you might get a double update today, who knows?! but in all seriousness thank you all for sticking around and reading this it means the entire fucking world to me. please enjoy this (very very very late) update of afm

it’s about two weeks later when felix brings it up. they’re cuddling in chan’s room - the older encouraging the freckled boy to rest - when felix turns to look up at him. 

chan notices how sad his eyes are and gently pushes away his bangs. “hey...what’s going on?” 

felix rubs his face against the other’s flannel as he mumbles out his response. chan chuckles and pulls his head back, looking down at the younger. “speak up, love.” 

“i wanna tell hyunjin hyung.” 

the older raises a brow, “and why’s that making you sad?” 

“jisungie hyung and i was talkin’ to him and,” felix begins to absentmindedly play with the bottom of chan’s shirt, slipping his hand under to rub at his hip bone. it reminded the younger that chan was still there, still listening, still...caring. “he brought up his cousin. the topic changed somehow and hyung was all like, ‘isn’t that the one that acts like a baby?’ and jisung hyung corrected him by explaining age play and...i don’t know. hyunjin hyung just looked...off about it.” 

the other nods, running his hand through the other’s shortened hair (their stylists were very relieved when the company finally let them all cut their hair) before speaking. “well, it’s probably a new topic to him, lix. it’s natural for someone to get confused about new things - especially this. we’ll just have to explain to him how you specifically regress and all that stuff. i’m sure he’ll understand.” 

“but what if he doesn’t?”

“what if he does?” 

“okay, sure - but what if he doesn’t?” 

“what if he- OI! felix!” chan jerks away fast, hiking his shirt up to look down at his hip - which now had thin, red scrapes going down it. one is slightly split near the top, a small amount of blood rising to the surface. 

“you could’ve just told me to shut up.” the older whispers, looking back at the doer. 

felix reaches his hand out and rubs at it, pressing a soft kiss to the area. chan flashes quickly when he feels it, jerking his shirt back down and sucking in a breath. 

“i’m sorry.” the apology is whispered - almost going unheard. when chan meets the other’s eyes he sees them fill with tears and he’s quick to pull the other in. 

the night the other’s found out - felix had been super stressed during their late dinner. chan found it odd since he had spent most of the afternoon and some of the evening in his headspace so he went to confront him about it. he had found him curled up in his bunk, watching a comedy special on netflix with a frown on his face.

after calling his name a couple times and not receiving a response, chan decided on climbing the ladder and sitting himself at the end of the bed. 

‘lix. you don’t seem happy.’ he moved the thin, blue blanket to rub at felix’s knee. he, again, didn’t receive a response - so he pushed the other’s hands down to meet his tear filled eyes. “hey. hey. why? what’s wrong?” 

felix had pressed against his screen hard (chan had been lowkey scared he was gonna crack it. they were not in the place financially to buy a brand new phone), stopping the comedian mid sentence, and slammed his phone down beside him. “they know.” a few tears fell and chan was quick to wipe them away, a light chuckle falling from his lips. 

“love...that’s good. they’re happy with it - did you not see jisung-” 

“i saw him, chris. and i am happy! i just...they-” the younger cut himself off with a sniffle, rubbing harshly at his eyes. chan had pulled his hands away gently and pressed a kiss to his wrist, keeping eye contact. he smiled when a blush spread across felix’s cheeks and motioned for the other to continue. “it sounds stupid. but like...they know. like - just listen -” felix had propped himself onto his knees and allowed chan to pull his legs on the bunk before he sat himself on the older’s lap, never once disconnecting their hands. 

“i spent...so much time worrying about them finding out. and now it’s just like...half of them know and are super okay with it and...i don’t know, i just didn’t expect this.” chan nodded along, shaking their hands gently as felix got through his explanation. 

 

he spent the rest of the night in felix’s bunk with him, humming quietly to aid the younger in sleeping. changbin had walked in shortly after felix had fallen asleep and very carefully switched places with chan, squeezing his shoulder in a silent thanks before sending him off to bed. (chan will never say it out loud, but he spent the rest of the night awake - too focused on how cold his bed was without his little in it with him)

 

a knock on the door half an hour into peter rabbit has the little sitting up curiously, shaking chan awake harshly. his daddy always tells him to never open the door when he’s in his little space and he wasn’t about to break that rule (especially if it meant taking away his movies. he learned that very well from last time.) 

“mmm...what baby?” 

“the door, daddy. someone wants in.” chan nods as he sits up, shouting something in korean in the direction of the door before pulling felix close, rubbing his back lightly as the younger pulls himself out of his headspace. ever since their fight weeks ago, chan was always worried of the other aging himself back up to quick - so he fixed it by telling felix that the older had to be around when he needed to age up. 

felix pulls back and blinks for a bit before nodding, grabbing the remote and flipping the channel to a more age appropriate movie (sadly) as chan got up to get the door. 

‘that took a bit. you two good?’ hyunjin asks once the door swings open. ‘i don’t gotta warn changbin of any competition, right?’ felix rolls his eyes and chucks a pillow at the older, muttering “shut up.” (he knew hyunjin understood that - seeing as how much he uses the english phrase himself)

‘why’re you here, hyunjinnie?’ 

‘got bored of the others. always wanted to know what you guys disappear to do.’ the black haired boy falls back onto chan’s bed, pushing felix’s knees down so he could use his lap as a pillow. felix gently brushes the other’s bangs back, giggling at the sight of his forehead. hyunjin smiles cutely as he leans up to peck felix’s nose - action resulting in the younger going into a giggling fit. chan chuckles lightly as he sits at the end of the bed, watching the other two start up a wrestling match that he bet hyunjin would win. 

 

it’s a little while later, once they both have caught their breath, when hyunjin says, ‘oh - by the way. seungmin told me you might want to tell me something.’ 

felix pushes himself up against the pillows and exhales through his nose before he responds, ‘yeah? about what?’ 

hyunjin shrugs, stealing a pillow from behind the younger to put on his lap. ‘i’m not sure. he seemed excited though - it made me laugh.’ he finishes the sentence with a grin, causing felix’s cheeks to redden.

‘well i’m glad he made you laugh, hyung.’ the younger says with a giggle. hyunjin’s grin seems to grow as he leans closer to the australian, keeping their faces almost touching for a bit until he reaches up to poke his nose. felix chuckles, pulling his head back before hiding behind his arms in embarrassment. (it’s funny, chan things, how, even though felix was out of his headspace, he still acts younger than his age. not like any of them were complaining)

‘ahh, don’t be so embarrassed! i love it when you laugh.’ felix’s face seems to grow darker at the comment, groaning into his palms. 

when the youngest of the room seems to gather his sanity and peaks out from over his fingers, he meets chan’s eyes. said boy raises a brow, tilting his head toward the oldest ‘00 liner in a silent question. felix is quick to shake his head no, pushing hyunjin’s head away once he notices it’s still near his. 

‘yah! stop!’ although the words are harsh, hyunjin is giggling as he speaks them. felix rolls his eyes jokingly and turns his head to chan, sticking his arm out and wiggling his fingers in the older’s direction. ‘hyung. you’re too far.’ 

chan chuckles in surprise and steps forward, allowing the freckled boy to pull him onto the bed. hyunjin scoots so the oldest australian can fit comfortably - curling around said boy once he settles. felix grins and joins the duo, digging his chin into chan’s sternum. 

‘mm, still tired, baby boy?’ chan ignores the way hyunjin stiffens against his back and focuses on dragging his fingers through felix’s hair. 

‘yea. a bit.’ 

‘go to sleep then, felix. the boys said something about going out for dinner but i can just tell ‘em to bring us something back.’ hyunjin peers over chan’s side to see the younger nodding, eyes begging to be closed. ‘go to sleep, lix. it’s okay.’ 

 

 

‘when did you start calling him that?’ 

chan shrugs as hyunjin helps him up, careful not to wake the sleeping boy. ‘just a nickname.’ 

hyunjin nods slowly, moving over to sit himself on changbin’s bed. he sets gyu on the hundreds of pillows the rapper insists on needing before pulling his legs up, motioning chan to sit beside him. the older obeys and pulls hyunjin’s legs onto his lap, beginning to massage his thighs. hyunjin smiles as his rests his head on chan’s shoulder, hand cupping the other’s forearm. 

‘channie hyung?’

‘hmm?’

‘have you...when you look at felix-’ he cuts himself off, thinking about his next words. chan continues moving, allowing the younger time to think. he’s pretty positive of where the conversation will lead (hyunjin has always thought a bit too hard about things - the previous ‘baby boy’ comment is no doubt still swirling inside his brain) and prepares himself on how he’s going to inform another member. with a glance up he catches felix’s tan face and lets his mouth fall in shock - felix said he didn’t want hyunjin knowing yet. 

hyunjin cuts off his train of thought, ‘when you look at lix..do you sometimes see a baby? like...like...i just wanna dress him up? in tiny little onesies and feed him bottles and, and just kiss him all over his face and tell him he’s a good boy. i...god i’m so fucking weird!’ hyunjin groans into chan’s arm, face so warm the older can feel it through his sleeve. 

‘you aren’t weird. what made you think of all this stuff?’ hyunjin stiffens again, tilting his head a bit in order to make sure chan isn’t joking. when he sees the older have his normal face on, he continues. 

‘uh, jisung explained to me about something called age play. i looked it up and...as i read that stuff i just kept thinking of felix. like, i wanna take care of him.’ 

chan nods, pushing a tad rougher when he feels a knot near the younger’s knee, ‘have you told anyone else?’ 

hyunjin rests his head back down and sighs, ‘yea. minho hyung.’ 

chan stops all movement, eyes trained on the wall opposite them. ‘hyung? hyung? what’s wrong?’ hyunjin sits up quickly and clambers on top of the older, waving in front of his face. the oldest of the trio zones back in, hands instinctively going to the younger’s hips to hold him steady. 

‘what did minho say?’ hyunjin raises a brow, confusion clear on his face. ‘why does that matter-’

‘what did he say, hyunjin-ah?!’ 

the younger leans back a bit, surprise replacing the confusion, ‘uh...he said that he’s thought of it too. he said that it might be why he likes holding felix the most. said he’s always thought of lix as a little baby.’ chan nods, slowly pushing hyunjin back into his previous position. he continues where he left off, rubbing at a knot near the knee. 

 

when chan catches hyunjin begin to doze off he chuckles, rubbing at his leg to wake him back up. 

‘hyunjinnie. get up love. we gotta talk to minho.’ hyunjin peaks his eyes open, face confused. ‘why?’ 

‘just gotta. c’mon.’ 

 

they sneak out quietly, making sure to close the door so felix doesn’t wake up from the others. hyunjin rubs at his eyes as he walks into the living room, yawn at the tip of his tongue.

‘hey! decide to come with at the last minute?’ 

‘nah. we’re gonna stay here, make sure felix is okay.’ chan answers, eyes locking with minho’s. the brown haired boy raises a brow, ‘oh? is he feeling sick?’

‘no-’ hyunjin tries to answer, yawn cutting him off. the others laugh, ‘ah! no, he’s not sick. just wanna be here just in case he wakes up.’ 

‘okay. well, if that’s all, we should probably leave. we’ll bring you guys back something, okay?’ 

‘ah! minho-ah! can you stay, actually? i’ve been meaning to talk to you about something.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, thank you guys so much for reading this! you all mean the world to me and like i said up there - feel free to yell at me about this wait.


	8. viii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so....ur prob gonna hate me after this. (i'm gonna make it all better, just wait.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is hella short. but the next chapter is gonna be hella long and things are gonna work out so do not fear! everyone will be happy(ish)!

minho blinks, ‘oh yeah? what about?’ 

chan chuckles, ‘something. you gotta stay if you wanna find out.’ the dancer nods at that and walks his way over to the two, bidding goodbye to the rest of the members. 

hyunjin guides them to the couch and plops down, wasting no time in telling minho what he had told to chan a mere hour ago. 

 

‘so...you’re not grossed out?’ chan shakes his head no, chuckling lightly. ‘why would i be grossed out, minho? i can’t control how you think of each member.’ 

minho nods, a faint blush appearing on his cheeks. ‘don’t tell felix, okay?’ 

‘felix would love to hear that, though, minho. did- did hyunjin tell you what age play is?’ said boy shoots his head up, nodding enthusiastically. ‘yeah! we talked like...a couple days after jisung told me what it is.’ 

‘good. well. that’s what felix does. well, a version of it.’ 

‘a version? like what?’ minho’s eyebrows disappear under his bangs, eyes sparkling. 

‘well,’ hyunjin plops his head into chan’s lap, eyes matching minho’s curiosity as chan continues, ‘he’s never regressed to super young, before. so far he’s only ever regressed to toddler and-’ 

chan hears footsteps and looks up just in time to catch felix round the corner, rubbing at his eyes. “mmm~ why’re you up, daddy? i want to- oh. hyungies are here.” 

hyunjin pushes himself up lightning fast, staring at the young boy in awe. minho grips the couch cushion as felix stares right at him, mouth going dry at all the new found information. chan clicks his tongue as he stands up, walking straight toward felix. 

“felix.” chan crouches right in front of him, the first warning flag to go up in the little’s mind. his daddy never did that - always made sure to tilt felix’s head to make him look up at him; it helps him ease into his headspace. “listen to me-” 

the little australian looks up at minho and hyunjin again, eyebrows furrowing tighter. why were they staring at him like that? he had just woken up so he was sure that it wasn’t for his looks. all he wanted anyway was for his daddy to come back to bed- oh. oh. oh no. 

“no. no. daddy-chan-chris-” 

“felix, you gotta calm down baby. listen to me, please-” 

“no! i-you-” felix takes a deep breath, eyes beginning to sting. he meets chan’s eyes and pushes him back, letting out a sob. he ignores when the others stand, already turned away and running back toward chan’s room. 

chan pushes himself up, turning to the boys quickly. ‘stay, i got him. just stay here.’ 

 

when he reaches the door he pushes it open, surprised when it goes willingly. the room is dimming as the sun goes down but, after he blinks for a bit, he spots felix curled up on changbin’s bed, gyu in hand. 

“baby boy…” 

“i’m not regressed. please don’t even try. i don’t wanna talk right now.” 

chan’s heart aches; he feels like he can’t breathe, “please, felix. can we please talk?” 

“it’s simple, chris. really fucking simple.” felix sits up, red face coming into view. tears are streaming down his cheeks and he doesn’t bother to wipe them. “i told you no. you told them anyway. because somewhere in that crazy mind of yours, you have created a universe where everything works out and everyone gets along and- ugh! i just...just looking at you is making me pissed so please go away.” 

“i never meant to hurt you-” 

“then why did you tell them without my permission?! why, chris?! not only did you tell hyunjin- but you told minho too!” 

“i know, felix. all….all i can say is sorry. i can’t take it back.” 

felix takes a deep breath, “get out. now, please.” chan gives him a pleading look but when he only finds blankness in return, he turns on his heel and walks out, softly shutting the door again. 

hyunjin is stood at the end of the hall, sadness clear in his eyes. chan bites his lip to hold back tears; he knows he never should’ve done any of this. he just wants everyone to know, wants felix to be proud! wants him to see that all of them love him, no matter what. 

‘hyung. c’mere.’ chan sobs as hyunjin pulls him close, stroking his hair lightly. he somehow maneuvers them to the couch to be with minho, who wastes no time in joining the cuddle pile. 

‘hyungie, it’s gonna be okay. we’ll figure it out.’ 

chan lets out another sob as he covers his face, whispering his reply of, ‘i hope.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! i hope you guys are reading this because im reminding you all that requests are still open!! i decided that after i finish this book i will do my own "one-shot" small story thingies while also working on requests from you guys (which will go into another series) so please request!!


	9. ix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this instead of sleeping and i have a full day of school tomorrow xD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im not dead!! surprise!! this chapter took me a little while longer than i thought it would but its here! i hope you guys enjoy!! ps. i posted this at 4am i have to get up in two hours for a full day of school someone please kill me

filming is the only time felix will interact with chan; keeping in mind that the fans shouldn’t have to worry over things such as this. chan clings onto him as long as he can: always taking the spot next to him, volunteering to be his partner for games (he even went as far as letting felix sit on his lap when the staff forgot a chair for him.) 

it goes on like this for three months, the nine of them getting thrown into promotions and training so quickly that there's no time for the two aussies to work anything out (that also means that felix goes from slipping biweekly to not slipping for whole months) as far as chan sees he’s handling it fine, not that chan ever doubted him. felix has always had a strong hold over when he slips. 

the others (minus changbin) catch onto why the two aren’t talking quickly (thank you, blabbermouth aka minho) and stop pushing them together after the first week when all they receive is awkward silence and angry australians (which is never fun. never.) 

 

“chris.” 

chan never thought he would hate his own name. 

“yea, lix?” 

“move to another seat please. i promised seungmin that i would sit next to him.” the red head pops his head up at the mention of his name. when he discovers why it’s being said, he sighs as he unbuckles his belt, moving to stand as chan does the same. 

“sorry, chan hyung.”

“it’s fine, minnie.” 

they switch places before chan awkwardly plops beside minho in the pair of seats behind woojin and jeongin. the younger is quick to grab his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze as chan buckles. he squeezes back with a sad smile, pulling his phone out as they head to the hotel. 

 

chan hates how normal felix and him not talking has become. the others, including the young australian, carry on like normal, cracking jokes and deciding where they should visit tomorrow. he doesn’t blame them, really, because these past few months have been miserable for him - he wouldn’t wish this on any of them. 

they pull up to the hotel and quickly unload, multiple members spriting to their designated rooms to get dibs on the shower first. woojin and chan stay together though, choosing to walk along the small garden at the back of the hotel. 

the older holds chan’s hand tightly, thumb caressing soft skin carefully. 

‘how’s chan been?’ woojin asks, stopping their walk. he turns to face the younger, hands loosely held in between them. 

‘good.’ 

the oldest quirks a brow, ‘wanna stop lying?’

chan sighs, averting the other’s eyes. woojin has always been able to see right through him since day one (and it never fails to piss chan off.) ‘no, hyung. i’m fine.’ 

‘right. so this has nothing to do with felix?’ 

the australian groans and takes his hand out of woojin’s, walking towards a wooden bench with a huff. he sits down once he reaches it before looking up to catch the other’s stern eyes. 

‘chan, you gotta talk to me. it’s not good for you to keep this in.’ chan chuckles bitterly as his eyes begin to sting. his knee begins bouncing anxiously as he wipes at them harshly, sighing when he feels a tear slip. 

‘channie.’ woojin squats in front of him, hands holding his knees still. a breeze blows that makes the younger shiver, resulting in woojin clicking his tongue before sliding his hoodie off to put on the upset boy. ‘let it out. i know it’s hurting you.’ 

chan grimaces as he starts to sob, vapor appearing above woojin’s head as a result before it’s dragged out towards a bush. the cold air causes his lungs to ache but he doesn’t stop sobbing, tears warming his cheeks for split seconds before they add to the cold. the oldest is quick to wipe them away, shushing the boy gently.

 

‘i just….miss him.’ chan sniffles as he balls up the sleeves of the oversized hoodie, bringing them up to clean his face. woojin nods while pulling him closer, allowing the younger some time to calm down before he brings them inside. ‘i know, baby.’ 

chan melts at the pet name and sinks against his bandmate. 

‘hyungie?’

‘yea?’ 

“i’m cold.” woojin laughs at the utter of english before he stands, pulling the australian up with him. 

‘let's go inside then.’ 

 

they enter the lobby of the hotel to meet a frantic looking jisung - who's in the middle of towel drying his hair. he visibly shivers as a gust of cold wind follows them in, muttering something under his breath as he approaches. 

‘where have you been?’   
‘outside. why are you down here? it’s freezing and you’re...wet. why are you wet?!’ chan steps forward with raised brows and begins fuzzing about jisung’s hair. jisung tries to swat him away as he replies, ‘i was getting dressed when felix ran in and got sick. he made me leave before i could even put a shirt on! i asked changbin hyung about it and he told me that felix has been complaining about a migraine for a while - hyung, please stop!’ chan pulls away with a quick apology, towel dangling from his hands. 

‘it’s okay. just,’ he sighs, bringing a hand up to try and gather his hair, ‘i’m worried. felix sounded really scared when he told me to leave.’ 

‘probably because he was getting sick, sungie. why don’t we go to your guys’ room to get out of this cold, huh? you’re gonna end up like lix if you stay here any longer.’ jisung nods quickly before guiding them towards the elevator. 

chan sets back to work at jisung’s hair as they wait, woojin pulling both of them close to share some much needed heat. the elevator doors open a while later and passengers pour out, a mop of black hair looking eerily familiar. 

‘changbinnie?’ said boy whirls around and locks eyes with woojin, cheeks clearly flustered. 

‘hyung!’ he pushes through the small crowd to reach the trio, ‘can you help me. felix isn’t feeling well and i don’t know what to do.’ woojin nods and gestures to the elevator, allowing the younger to step into it first. chan and jisung follow him in before the youngest pushes for the doors to close. 

 

they reach the room after a short minute of silence. 

‘he’s not letting me in. i can hear him crying and- gah! hyung i feel like a part of me is dying. i should be there with him.’ 

woojin nods and pulls changbin into a hug once they all safely enter the hotel room. he gets chan’s attention and nods towards the bathroom door, hoping the younger will get a hint. chan blinks a couple times before he understands, tip toeing over to the white door. 

“lix. i know you don’t wanna talk to me - but i need to check that you’re okay. have you slipped, love? do you need me right now?” his mouth is almost pressed against the crack as he whispers his questions. 

“go the fuck away. please.” there’s a strain in the young australian’s voice that breaks chan’s heart. 

“are you okay?” 

there’s muttering on the other side of the door that only concerns him more before, “yes. i’m not coming out until you leave.” chan sighs and spares a glance at the black haired boy who’s currently crying into woojin’s shoulder. his heart strains at the sight - there’s so much love between the dark rapper and felix that it makes chan want to completely demolish his own feelings for them. 

“alright. i’m leaving now.” he backs up and lets out a breath, turning around to face the hotel door. 

‘where are you going, hyung?’ changbin’s voice is wet and chan regrets turning back around when he sees the bloodshot eyes. 

‘he’ll come out once i’m gone. make sure you’re there for him, binnie.’ he doesn’t hear the younger’s response as he exits the room, quickly jogging over to his own room. (he was ready to rip the fucking bathroom door off and that would be hard to explain to their manager)

 

the room smells of minho’s body wash when he enters - which weirdly calms him. the culprit is sitting on what he claimed as his bed, watching a video on his phone. 

he perks up when he spots chan. ‘hyung! jisung was looking for you! blew up my phone while i was in the shower. did he-’ 

chan chuckles lightly as he sits next to his bandmate. ‘yea, i got to him. felix wasn’t feeling well.’ 

there’s silence between them as minho pulls chan close, laying them both back against the pillows. when the older giggles and asks why he’s being so touchy, the younger replies with, ‘just feeling like it’ before pressing a kiss against his temple.

‘alright, then, lee minho.’ they lay side by side in silence for a couple minutes before minho breaks it again, ‘i think he’s gonna lose control over slipping.’ 

chan turns to face him, eyebrows furrowing. ‘why?’ 

‘a couple weeks back, when we were practicing, he could barely concentrate. found him leaning against a wall once and all he was doing was counting to ten.’ 

blush crosses chan’s face quickly. that’s how he helps felix to bring him out of his headspace - whispers all the way to ten in his ear until felix feels big again. 

‘he’s just been...tense. like, he hasn’t been himself! he doesn’t joke around with jisung as much and he basically has attached himself to changbin’s arm-’ 

‘he’s stressed. that’s the whole reason why we started age play, minho. he needs it because he doesn’t know how to mentally deal with all the stress that comes with this job. like, like you and hyunjin dance to get away from it. changbin, jisung, and i all write songs to help with it. felix-’

‘acts like a baby. because babies don’t have to deal with as much stress as we do.’ 

‘exactly.’ 

minho chuckles a bit before pulling the covers over them. 

‘let’s go to bed.’ 

‘what? minho, no. i haven’t taken a shower and woojin isn’t even here yet-’

‘shhhh, it’s time to go to sleep, hyung. c’mon. you’ll be okay if you miss one shower. woojin hyung will be quiet when he enters. you’re stressed right now - sleeping will help.’ 

with a sharp tug, minho pulls the older even closer. chan sighs against the other’s chest before muttering, ‘alright. you convinced me.’ minho chuckles before beginning to hum. he strokes at chan’s hair and not even ten minutes later the other is snoring softly against his sternum. 

 

minho is pulled out of his half-asleep dance when the door opens. woojin apologises as he makes his way over to his suitcase

‘s’okay. did you get kicked out by lix?’ 

‘no. he came out after chan left and ran right towards changbin. poor boy looks so stressed, minnie.’ 

‘almost ten months of not slipping can do that to a person, i suppose.’ the oldest hums in agreement as he pulls out fresh pajamas. 

‘did sungie get to bed okay?’ 

woojin nods as he faces minho, ‘yea. we helped changbin get them around to take a shower and once they got in, jisung went to bed so i left. i’m gonna take a quick shower and then probably check on the kids.’ 

‘manager-nim is with them, hyung. don’t be such a mom.’ 

‘they’ve bribed him before, minho. and you love it!’ minho smirks as woojin makes his way over to his side of the bed. 

‘maybe i do.’ minho mutters as the oldest plants a kiss on his forehead. 

‘yea, yea. get back to sleep, okay? we get to explore tomorrow!’ 

the youngest of the room watches as woojin enters the bathroom. he hears the water start up and smiles as he hears woojin begin to sing before snuggling closer to chan and falling back asleep. 

 

 

minho swears he’s gonna cut off all their hands so this stops happening. he quickly reads the time as 3:18 in the morning before chucking his covers off and standing. the banging on the door is increasingly getting louder and as much as he wants to stay in bed, he doesn’t want to lose their exploration day tomorrow (today) over a noise complaint.

he hears woojin getting out of bed (he damn sure knows it’s not chan. as he trudges towards the door, undoing the hatch with a yawn. he pulls it open as woojin comes to stand behind him, a panicked changbin greeting their eyes. 

‘why are you here-hey! hyung!’ 

changbin pushes past minho mid sentence and jumps on top of a sleeping chan. curses in english are thrown out as chan pushes him off, falling off the bed as he tries to find his breath. 

“what the fu-” 

‘get up! now! now, now, now!’ changbin practically jumps over the mattress to make it to chan, pulling the older up and in the direction of the door. 

‘what the fuck is going on, changbin?!’ the panicked boy doesn’t answer, only pushes past his hyungs as he drags chan into the direction of his own room. 

minho and woojin share no words as they pull on shirts, following the pair down the hallway. 

 

 

chan wakes up fully after being dragged halfway down the hallway and he’s glad he did, because as soon as the door opens a voice is shouting, “daddy!” and tackles him to the ground. felix promptly begins sobbing against his chest, shouts about how his head and tummy have hurted and how sorry he was for being such a bad boy. 

jisung is quick to follow the-now-blonde-boy out and help the two into the hotel room. woojin and minho sprint in after and allow their younger member to shut the door after he mumbles a complaint. 

“daddy! lixie was so scared you wouldn’t come back! i sent appa to get you-”

woojin looks over to changbin, who looks close to hyperventilating as he crouches against a wall. he pushes minho gently toward the conversating pair as he makes his way over to the dark rapper. he might as well explain as chan gets his own problem solved. 

“-and baba, and dada, ‘nd abba, and oppa-” 

“shh, baby. i’m here. let’s calm down, yea? we’re just a bit too loud right now, lixie.” felix nods and stays quiet as chan pulls the youngers sleep shirt off, replacing it with the one he was wearing. the younger grins through his tears at how much bigger his daddy’s shirt is on him, bringing it up to his nose to smell it. 

“smells like you, daddy.” chan smiles small and plants a long kiss on felix’s forehead. “i know baby. knew you would like it.” 

 

the others watch in awe as chan calms the little down. jisung ignores minho’s constant begging for him to translate - mostly because of the intimacy in the conversation but also because he was still half asleep and english is hard. 

felix keeps muttering about how small he feels under the covers when all their phones go off. jisung pulls his out and allows minho to crowd around, knowing that chan, woojin, and his were most likely still in their room on chargers. 

“gege, who is it?” 

“s’not how we ask, felix lee.” felix pouts for a millisecond before correcting himself. 

“gege, can i pleaseee know who it is?” jisung smiles small and walks forward to ruffle the little’s hair. 

“course, baby. the rest of the boys are coming here because they wanna make sure you’re save. you gotta behave for them, alright?” 

“i will!” 

jisung sends him a smile before turning to face the non-english-speaking trio. ‘hyung, seungmin, and jeongin are coming here. they woke up to changbin banging on the other’s door and are coming to help with felix.’ 

changbin is visibly flustered as he stutters out, ‘tell t-them, thank you.’ jisung nods and does just that, throwing his phone on his mattress once he finishes. he grabs changbin’s hand gently, ‘you okay, hyung?’ 

‘confused. really confused right now.’ 

‘...not angry, though?’ 

‘course not. love him too much. love all of you too much.’ the blush darkens on his face and jisung returns it. none of them speak out loud about their….whatever it is they have. they all just allow it to happen. confessing love was not something they did. (jisung really didn’t mind it, though.)

 

the others enter slowly, grinning when felix clambers out of bed to greet them. changbin takes the time to walk over to chan, cold hand gently cupping his forearm. chan turns to face the younger with raised brows, smile still on his face. 

‘wanna talk.’ changbin manages out. chan coos slightly and walks them into the bathroom, shutting the door gently. 

he helps changbin prop himself up on the sink counter, taking a seat himself on the edge of the tub. 

he allows changbin time to process and think, reaching out to hold the younger’s hand gently. he has every right to be angry at them right now - has every right to be screaming and demanding answers. it’s not surprising that he isn’t, though. the boy is so soft when it comes to things with felix that it makes chan want to scream. 

‘how long?’ 

‘has he done this? fully - for about four months. but he’s slipped in non-noticeable ways even before he was in the group.’ 

‘does it hurt him?’ 

chan struggles to hold back a laugh, ‘not at all. only if he pulls himself out of his headspace too quickly.’

‘why didn’t he tell me?’ changbin sounds so betrayed that chan stands and moves himself in between the other’s legs, hands coming up to cradle his face. 

‘he was so scared, changbin. he wanted to, really.’ changbin allows a couple tears to slip and let’s chan wipe them away. 

‘okay?’ 

‘okay.’ 

‘you...are you gonna be okay with all this changbin?’ 

changbin sniffles, ‘yea. i just..gotta learn.’ 

‘well,’ chan helps the younger to jump down, ‘you got a whole bunch of help.’ they exit the bathroom with intertwined hands, changbin’s grip a little tighter than chan’s.

 

jeongin, seungmin, hyunjin and minho are asleep on either side of felix when the duo comes out. the australian perks his head up, fingers in mouth, and waves at his caregivers, attention half on the cartoon movie that woojin must’ve put on. changbin nervously waves back, smile creeping on his face at the sight of his boyfriend being cradled by their members. 

jisung lets out a long yawn before glancing over to them. 

‘go to sleep, sungie.’ 

‘come with me.’ changbin slowly lets go of chan’s hand and falls into jisung’s arms, allowing himself to be held close. 

‘did so well today, binnie hyung. so proud of you.’ his grip tightens on jisung’s shirt as they lay down, face darkening at the praise. 

“daddy? papa?” woojin back hugs chan just as felix calls for their attention. 

‘hmm, baby?’ 

‘come lay with me. wanna go back to sleep.’ woojin coos at his korean, pressing a small kiss to chan’s neck. 

‘not enough room, lixie. we’re gonna have to sleep with jisung and changbin. is that okay?’ 

felix nods, eyes already drooping shut. the two clamber into bed with said duo, cuddling close to all fit. 

 

when chan wakes up around six to use the restroom, he trips over hyunjin, who apparently had moved onto the floor - along with the other occupants of that bed - besides felix and changbin - who had somehow made it out of the cuddle mess that is jisung’s bed. he snaps a couple pictures before standing back, allowing himself to remember all that had happened only two hours prior. 

his whole group is a mess. one big mess of love and stress.

‘hyung? quit being a weirdo and come back to bed.’ oh. he could get used to hearing that in the morning. 

‘i’m coming, sungie. be patient.’ jisung sticks his tongue out shortly before rolling back over. 

chan presses a quick kiss to each member’s head before slipping into bed beside jisung, smile bright on his face. 

(around nine, felix wakes them up by tickling them - an action that later gets returned by eight sleep deprived, yet so, extremely happy caregivers.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ....it's over!! well...not really but -
> 
> as many of you know, i was TERRIFIED to post this story! all of your supportive comments helped me through it and got us to here!! fear not though, because this is not the end! idk if you noticed yet but this book is in a collection! that's because i will be continuing this series but in one shots based on my own prompts! i do not have an update schedule but i promise there will be many many one shots! 
> 
> also - REQUESTS ARE STILL OPEN!! i have my tumblr, twitter, and cc linked at the end for people to request with! i will create a separate collection once i post the first one where all the requests will be posted! 
> 
> ahhh! again, thank you guys so much!! this book really wouldn't of been made without you all! keep talking to me btw! i love each and every one of you and just know that i realized my return commentators on each chapter! your sweet words of encouragement made my day and i cannot thank you enough!! 
> 
> well, until the next one -   
> xoxo (luv u)
> 
> {180915 - 190204}

**Author's Note:**

> this is kinda all over the place xD please leave feedback or comment if anything is confusing!  
> twitter: [@aussiesons](https://twitter.com/aussiesons)   
> curious cat: [aussiesons](https://curiouscat.me/aussiesons)   
> tumblr: [@reeser5](reeser5.tumblr.com)


End file.
